This body stuff is weird. I'm standing in church a couple of weeks ago for the Gospel. Playing with the muscles of my right leg... you know, flex the quad... release flex the adductor... release.. rectal femorous.. release... Then bam!! I'm sitting in my 2nd grade class room. All those bright windows... straight rows of desks. working.. Interrupted , yanked out of my seat, and dragged out to the boys class room, Why? What horrible thing did I do to deserve such treatment?
Oh that! I used to sit with my leg tucked up and sit on my foot. Clearly AWFULLL.
How can you trust yourself when you can't see that coming? How could a seven year old see that coming? A 67 year old woman can be enraged because she knows that this teacher is out of her head, but a 7 year old doesn't know that.
So how do you resurrect a crushed 7 year old? Holding her in meditation and telling her that she really did nothing wrong. Realizing that you can wear things that make you look good. Nothing wrong with it. Telling her that although adults tend to put added rules on her that don't really make sense... that the Golden Rule is really correct. The beatitudes are really what God judges on... That no matter how loud the chatter is around you, you should listen to your heart! And now presenting.... who knows?
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
Friday, October 2, 2015
Hip Down---Round Three!
As soon as I got half way happy about being in my body again, I mean just a little happy about it, MY HIP POPS OUT AGAIN! Really! Then everything fell into place to fix it (again). So on September 21st, we went down to SF again to the Sutter Hospital on California Street and had it re-re-done. I have to admit that it was a short surgery ( about 2 hours from down to up) and recovery hasn't been too bad. Mostly BORING, after the intense bleeding episodes. So I've been sitting in my chair thinking mostly.
Last time down, I watched Food, Inc and got excited about what I can do in terms of eating and helping people eat better. This time I watched Inequality for All and am getting excited about what we can do with at business. I realize that I'm not going into business to make money. I'm going into business to teach! That what I want to see is a place where a client can come to have clothes made that fit, or altered to fit, or designers can work with clients to have things fit!
This is big!! Think big. Alice wants a list of equipment and software that we could use to open the business. Think big!
Last time down, I watched Food, Inc and got excited about what I can do in terms of eating and helping people eat better. This time I watched Inequality for All and am getting excited about what we can do with at business. I realize that I'm not going into business to make money. I'm going into business to teach! That what I want to see is a place where a client can come to have clothes made that fit, or altered to fit, or designers can work with clients to have things fit!
This is big!! Think big. Alice wants a list of equipment and software that we could use to open the business. Think big!
Watchin' it all
It feels strange to interact with a group of people. Went today to get my stuff for the "Tour de Fuz" tomorrow. Not going to ride because of my hip, but thought that I would pick up my stuff since I paid for it anyway.
Suddenly I was immersed in a group of older white privileged idiots! Cutting me off when I was trying to park. Cutting lines. Not seeing me when I went for beer. It was exhausting!
At least we have decent internet now!
Suddenly I was immersed in a group of older white privileged idiots! Cutting me off when I was trying to park. Cutting lines. Not seeing me when I went for beer. It was exhausting!
At least we have decent internet now!
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Here's to Freedom and Privacy!
After so many years of playing at AutoCad, I'm finally trying to
really make a business out of what I know. I took AutoCad 3D last spring
at the JC and really thrived in it. Then I took 3ds Max over the summer
and did quite well.
But slowly, things have been revealing themselves to me. Slowly, I've been climbing out of my shell and my head! Last spring, after my last bout with my hip popping out, I went to my therapist and said, " I need to be more aware of my body. I'm way too much in my head." I figured that if I was more in my body, I would be more aware of my hip and joints. She said yoga would help, and it did. And I haven't had a hip issue since. (Fingers crossed and much strengthening happening)
But little did I know what I was unleashing! It seems I've used my body as a catch all for all sorts of emotional issues. This spring and summer was a true awakening! Feelings are weird. I've faced all sorts of internal crisis. I've had to deal with my own imperfections, and also my own feelings about race. I've tried to avoid all sorts of issues around sex. Man, life can be perfect if you only live in your head! But.... it's also lonely and frustrating!! and it leaves you open to all kinds of wounding that can sneak up on you.
Very vulnerable.
I feel like as long as I was ensconced in my head, I was walking (really limping) around with my hands tied behind my back. I was "comfortable" but I was also gagged and silent. I was given this incredible gift ( love of math, pattern making, programming,etc.) It was given to me! And I'm really mad and upset because no one has it. And yet how could they have it if my job was to share it!
I am going to use this spot to rant and rave. To put out in the world what is going on in my mind. So here it is... Freedom to speak in true privacy!!
But slowly, things have been revealing themselves to me. Slowly, I've been climbing out of my shell and my head! Last spring, after my last bout with my hip popping out, I went to my therapist and said, " I need to be more aware of my body. I'm way too much in my head." I figured that if I was more in my body, I would be more aware of my hip and joints. She said yoga would help, and it did. And I haven't had a hip issue since. (Fingers crossed and much strengthening happening)
But little did I know what I was unleashing! It seems I've used my body as a catch all for all sorts of emotional issues. This spring and summer was a true awakening! Feelings are weird. I've faced all sorts of internal crisis. I've had to deal with my own imperfections, and also my own feelings about race. I've tried to avoid all sorts of issues around sex. Man, life can be perfect if you only live in your head! But.... it's also lonely and frustrating!! and it leaves you open to all kinds of wounding that can sneak up on you.
Very vulnerable.
I feel like as long as I was ensconced in my head, I was walking (really limping) around with my hands tied behind my back. I was "comfortable" but I was also gagged and silent. I was given this incredible gift ( love of math, pattern making, programming,etc.) It was given to me! And I'm really mad and upset because no one has it. And yet how could they have it if my job was to share it!
I am going to use this spot to rant and rave. To put out in the world what is going on in my mind. So here it is... Freedom to speak in true privacy!!
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