After so many years of playing at AutoCad, I'm finally trying to
really make a business out of what I know. I took AutoCad 3D last spring
at the JC and really thrived in it. Then I took 3ds Max over the summer
and did quite well.
But slowly, things have been
revealing themselves to me. Slowly, I've been climbing out of my shell
and my head! Last spring, after my last bout with my hip popping out, I
went to my therapist and said, " I need to be more aware of my body. I'm
way too much in my head." I figured that if I was more in my body, I
would be more aware of my hip and joints. She said yoga would help, and
it did. And I haven't had a hip issue since. (Fingers crossed and much
strengthening happening)
But little did I know what I was
unleashing! It seems I've used my body as a catch all for all sorts of
emotional issues. This spring and summer was a true awakening! Feelings
are weird. I've faced all sorts of internal crisis. I've had to deal
with my own imperfections, and also my own feelings about race. I've
tried to avoid all sorts of issues around sex. Man, life can be perfect
if you only live in your head! But.... it's also lonely and
frustrating!! and it leaves you open to all kinds of wounding that can
sneak up on you.
Very vulnerable.
I feel like as long
as I was ensconced in my head, I was walking (really limping) around
with my hands tied behind my back. I was "comfortable" but I was also
gagged and silent. I was given this incredible gift ( love of math,
pattern making, programming,etc.) It was given to me! And I'm really
mad and upset because no one has it. And yet how could they have it if
my job was to share it!
I am going to use this spot to rant and rave. To put out in the world what is going on in my mind. So here it is... Freedom to speak in true privacy!!
